Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You ruined the universe
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
