watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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