i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
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the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
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you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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