I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
