I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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