The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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