How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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