Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
