i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
