you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
