I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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