After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
