i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You are a genius and a whore.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
