is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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