I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize