I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize