Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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