onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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