Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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