If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
