You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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