i jhust puked up my retainher.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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