mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
