if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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