she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
