While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
