here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
