That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
