I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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