i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
