I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
