How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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