I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
