Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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