maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
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We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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