They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
