I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
