yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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