woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
