Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
