The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
