I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
