Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
