he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
