I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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