is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
