He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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