The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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