It's Friday. Sex?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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