no, he came in my armpit
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
