It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
