I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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