Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
