So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
