You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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