we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
