Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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