I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
