I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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