my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize