A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
