I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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