Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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