why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
