I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize