Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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