She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
