I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
