Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
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