yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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