your room smells of hookers.
And success
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
